7 Chakras of Fear: #4 The Fear of Criticism

This series is based on a chapter in Napoleon Hill’s classic read “Think and Grow Rich” introducing basic human fears.  I dub them the 7 Chakras of Fear.  From Ill Health, Old Age and Death we face the Fear of Criticism.

“We need very strong ears to hear ourselves judged frankly, and because there are few who can endure frank criticism without being stung by it, those who venture to criticize us perform a remarkable act of friendship.” 

Apparently, esteemed statesman of the French Renaissance, philosopher and literary poet, Michel de Montaigne, never knew your neurotic, controlling boss, never lived with your demeaning, manipulating mate, nor did he endure criticisms from your family applied like fresh paint to stain your fragile psyche.

The typical child – according to social science research – will hear the word “NO” approximately 40,000 times before first grade; eight times more than yes.  No’s, even well intended to guide youth, chip away self-confidence and toughen or tenderize the skin.

What’s your skin made of?  Teflon, so criticism can’t stick, but neither, too, do compliments.  Does it stretch so thin that inner rage, paranoia and self-loathing bulge like veins from the slightest questioning tone?  Or do you shade like a chameleon to please everyone and avoid the coarse pain of criticism?

At the very least, criticism makes a normal, healthy person uncomfortable.  However, for some, it’s an on ramp to seething anger and resentment, or a slide into deep depression.  So what drives people so crazy?  Maybe that opinion, often unsolicited, unwelcomed and unappreciated, auto-filters through our insecurities to trigger our primal fear: that we are not enough – rejection.  Once in motion, drama ensues, moods change and even trivial choices – how we dress, or with whom we associate – become the subject to what others think, judge or censure.

Cognizant of its influence or not, criticism influences our quality of life.  Rampant, it kills initiative, robs imagination, limits individuality, retards self-reliance, destroys self-esteem and erodes the spirit.  Erosion that began with 40, 000 no’s.  That single word, along with unnecessary criticism, emasculates the young, builds inferiority complexes and channels inner voices that repeat self-limiting dialogue.

On a downtown street recently, I passed a beggar with a hand scribbled sign.  The words, “I’m ugly”, written in bold letters, stabbed my heart as I gazed on the person who wrote this sad declaration.  It compelled me to crouch down beside the author to find out why this beautiful young girl felt compelled to think ugly.  My heart heavy, I left knowing she valued alms more than heartening words that contradicted the lie she sells herself.

Upon reflection, I realize I’m no different from her. In fact, I admire this beautiful beggar with her ugly lie.  We both live imprisoned with self-criticizing voices, but she exploits her demons in public, while I keep up appearances.

People naturally fear criticisms inherent in failure; however, a deeper fear comes from being criticized for engaging the risk to try.  Parents do irreparable damage to children with callous criticism, and although criticism may be turned to key self-motivation and inspire personal growth, typically it only seeds fear and harvests resentment in the human heart.  Criticism: is one service of which everyone is given too much.

Small, petty things are the focus of the fear of criticism.  It’s principal to our personality, primed by emotion and slave to dark insecurities that belie our self worth.  The fear of criticism is pre-programmed by fallible role models and reinforced by insecure figures of authority, or brave friends.

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